sweethouse de azrael

 

Breaking Dawn, I was reading the book in Xiamen, fell alsleep on the balcony of Old British Consulate.

Soundly and sweetly, with all the bright lovely thing in my heart...

Still Breaking Dawn, but in the subway line 2 on my way to work, with crowds all around...

i was blind, never see the time flies, never know things can changed so quick...

i was mute, my throat hurts, can not scream out.

talked with vena this noon, only 1hour talk.

spiderman, hulk, iron man, fantastic4, all the comics and mavel stuff;

twister, sneaker, milkyway, m&m, 2 bucks, 2quaters and 1cent;

cherry coke, chicken fingers, prime, macy's, all the food and shopping things;

Sergio, Anabanana, Chris, Dan, all the person we mentioned.

we both know, those days will never come back.

those us, will never be that silly again.

 

24days, that day is coming again, im still damn trapped in the curse.

no complain, no swear, just pray that all the darkness could get through quickly.

No matter what, Im still yaya, the girl who was, is, and will always keep her chin up...

the girl who is srtong minded, laughs with the whole world,

sweep tears by herself.

 

 

yaya

 

 

 

在国外生活就会有想要抽烟的冲动.

依赖的不是尼古丁的刺激,而是那胆大妄为的、没人管没人问的自由和放荡.

绿色盒子的万宝路,细细长长,淡淡的薄荷味道,总让我和猴子想念不已.

 

盛满酒精的塑料杯,伏特加勾兑雪碧,

苦苦的辣辣的滑过喉咙,鼻腔中满是回味.

那样的夜晚笑得肆无忌惮,

想要倒带重演,却发现物是人非,那些人生早已散落天涯.

 

想要再点一支薄荷味的烟,来一杯混杂着柠檬味的四海为家.

却发现烟圈袅袅,杯中倒映的满是想念.

 

于是悄悄地对自己数念:

时过境迁,

留下的全是美好.

 

yaya

 

 

It has been a long time i havent back to this home,

my head was empty, eating, sleeping, laughing like a lil piggy.

It was a fabulous time without thinking too much,

but more happy u had, more disappointed u got after back to rational.

 

sometimes, u expect the most beautiful things, yes it did happen beautifully.

but after all the shinning stuff gone away, u suddenly feel lonely...so lonely...

sometimes i do think im stupid, always asking for perfect,

but the truth is there is nothing perfectly...

 

i have been wondering one thing for a long time. 

that is when u put someone on the 1st place of ur list, u always expect the same thing, right?

it is kind of balance, u sacrified ur heart, then u gain another one,

that is the greatness of human being, of love.

i dont know if im going so wrong on this way, cos never feel secure about that,

always seeking clue to prove...  

 

damn balance of life, of love, of human beings...

 

 

每次都是失魂落魄的回来,这里就像一个家,包容我的一切得失,

眼泪随着手指敲击键盘而留下,没有委屈,也没有埋怨,只是失望罢了.

虽然对于游戏法则再了解不过了,但冲动依然会让人不够清醒.

所谓的"吃一堑长一智",我总是对前者理解得更深刻.

每一次下定决心想要踏实的安定下来都会遇到这样那样的困境.

现在我是真的困惑了,怎么样才能叫做好女孩,怎样才配得到幸福...

难道我不配吗?

 

每一次认真的付出都想要得到一段稳定的感情,

但每一次都一塌糊涂,糊涂得彻底,

她们了解的总是奇怪为什么我总能这么宽容,

原因只是我不想后悔.

 

行了, 说过多少次"再也不信""永远不听"这样的话了,

但每每摊到自己头上还是控制不好情绪.

想要说狠话的时候,永远都不忍心,

想要安静思考的时候,却又永远不能平静.

 

左手食指,戒指还是那枚戒指,从不曾搬家...

the story of my single ring...

 

damn love, damn Love, damn LOVE!

 

 

3 words, 8 letters... _   _ _ _ _   _ _ _ ...

 

_   _ _ _ _   _ _ _ ... so hard to be filled in...

 

missing that feelings, happy n secure...

Copyright ©2009  http://azraelyaya.spaces.live.com   All right reserve.

 

 

yaya

 

莫名其妙的想哭,特别的失望. 从来没有从感情中感到真实的幸福感, 没有. 总是那么的不安全, 那么没有保障. 匆匆来, 匆匆去. 突然觉得从来没有人把自己当回事, 他们在我的世界里永远都排在比自己重要的位置. 而自己, 永远都在最不重要最犄角旮旯的角落里. 这种感觉很讨厌, 很委屈, 特别有理由让自己大哭一场. 想要记住"没有人值得你为他伤心, 真正值得让你这么做的人不会让你伤心", 但记住容易, 做到很难.  

总是特别擅长折磨自己, 所有的心情搁置在那里, 倒不出来, 又冲不下去. 最近太敏感, 看电影会忍不住眼泪, 原来以为自己特别坚强, 原来也可以这么脆弱. 我是不是得神经病了...

原来我什么都不想要, 我只要一份工作, 疼我的家人和朋友. 再也不想为那些不着边际的人和事难过. 再也不会为他们失望. 因为希望一次次的在刺痛中消耗, 直到所有的希望破灭, 心也就凉了. 说再多好听的话, 动听到让人信以为真, 但心凉了, 又有什么意义呢？不过是过眼云烟, 寥寥数句消遣. 失望又怎样, 不开心又怎样, 谁会知道, 谁又想知道.

电影里演的那些事都是假的, 骗小孩的, 再也不相信了. 哪有什么完美, 没有, 没有...

 

yaya

disappointed... ing...

 

实习.其实就是坐着.leader们一个比一个忙,我闲着,怪不好意思的.橘子叔叔说我整个一疗养呢.

可不是嘛,freshman什么都不知道,先慢慢学着吧,还想干吗啊~

大力姐说不忙你着什么急啊,忙得时候能累死你~恩,那我就厚着脸皮看着同事们忙,我歇着啦.上班下班,就那样吧.

可是吧,不忙应该不消耗ATP啊,可是为什么下班的时候我还那么饿呢?昨天把妈妈吓一跳,从来就没吃这么多过!

总之,上班不容易!!还是在家好!想几点起床就几点起床,想出去玩就出去玩.

2哥说你在家没事背GRE啊,到现在还停留在list1的abandon呢,大家伙都认识...

这回好了,GRE甭考了.出去玩?!上一天班脑袋都大了还出去玩?!

还有这个期末考试.学分都修满了还考什么试呢???快想个办法出来,跟老师商量商量~

 

the office. ringing never stop. leaders all busy.

kind of normal life. will i be one of them after i graduate?

anyway, team members are all nice.

that is the essential point of a happy internship.

 

okay,times up.

i can leave now~

 

ciao ciao~

yaya

 

Im Yaya, Yaya Sheen. There're probably some yaya in the world. But Yaya Sheen, there is only one. She is the limited edition. Unique n Special. Tough n brave.

 

Im kind of rational girl, thinking in logical way. I like positive style and value adventure spirits. Im shopping alot but never get regret. I dont waste money but im not stiny. If i have only 10USD left in my pocket, Id rather buy friend a drink than back home by taxi. Sometimes i do silly things n laugh at myself. Im girly but not finicky. Im dainty but not picky. I want to be shining but not outstanding. I want to be success but earning by maself.

 

I like cherry. If i have choice, even Coke i would choose cherry coke. I love blue, black, brown n white. I think they r simple n pure color, as heart should be. I prefer classic movies. I would be tears up when watching Brave heart, be touched by seeing Chocalate. I never get tired with ice cream, especially swiss vanilla and chocolate flavor. I stay up late, cos i was born at night. I like winter, cos there is snow that could make snowman. I like animal, especially my chinese year, Tiger.

 

Haha, is it clear enough? In one words, Yaya Sheen is a good girl. But why there is no one put a ring on her hand...

 

Back to 1980's. When i was child i have been travel alot in China. Spending most of time with Mom, without Dad around. I remember my Dad was a successful businessman, his wealth made me experienced alot of things that not normal kid could understand. But money wouldnt go with u whenever u want it. Now i do appreciate that i can turn back into a normal family, and growing up in happeniss n joy. Thx mom, without her, i wouldnt be like this well educated n delicated.

 

Looking back the 22yrs i have gone through. Mostly i can get everything i want. Im not a girl who r over confident. I did get almost everything i want in the past 22yrs. Warm family, great friends, well education, good quanlity of life. Sounds it is perfect. But i know, there is only one thing missing...

 

I thought i had found it before, but it was not real. That was all the beautiful bubble, touched, then broke. What i want is something only for me, and also...it can never change. So hard, but keep looking.

 

My hairdresser said there is always a smile on my face but i never noticed. Hehe, maybe smile is the gift god gave me. Thx god. You never know who will falling in love with ur smile.

 

Yaya :)